


The ache never goes away

by chanslix



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, its adorably sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 03:59:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16779166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanslix/pseuds/chanslix
Summary: Its the anniversary and Felix is a mess, good thing he has Chan





	The ache never goes away

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is the first work i’ve uploaded here and also the first chanlix whatever this is that I’ve written. It’s unbetad and its currently 6am so please excuse mistakes!!
> 
> lmao this is based on real life events so yeah yay for self projection
> 
> anyway, enjoy!!

It hurt. It hurt knowing you had lost someone you’d never see again. and the anniversary hurt even more. But he didn’t want to appear weak which is why felix was currently cowering under the covers in his room alone, crying his heart out. He didn’t want anyone to have to deal with him, let alone see him like this. It made him feel guilty, he should be over it by now, it’s been years and yet here he was. Time was meant to heal everything, wasn’t it? that’s what everyone had kept telling him, it turns out that was just a stupid cliché, because the ache in his chest had never quite subsided. Honestly he just wanted to sleep, to forget for a while, but it felt impossible with the constant sobbing and all the thoughts whirring through his mind. So that’s how he found himself curled under the covers, clutching a stuffed bear close, as if it’d provide him with the comfort he needed. (spoiler: it didn’t.) 

That’s also how he was when a knock echoed around the room, startling the small boy. He froze. Felix didn’t want to be discovered, he just wanted the ground to swallow him up, so he stayed as silent as he could muster. (hint: it wasnt very silent) 

Which is what betrayed him as the unknown figure opened the door and stepped into the room, unsure of if they should be intruding. They spotted the quivering ball of covers and quickly went to crouch down beside it, panic evident in their eyes. 

“Felix?” 

Shit. Chan. 

Of all people felix thought, why Chan. The person he least wanted to see him like this. Chan was strong, he was brave, he was a leader. Their leader. Felix wanted to be like Chan, yet here he was, cowering under the covers acting like a child. It was embarrassing to say the least.

“Go away” Felix managed to choke out, in broken english. Words were hard when you’d been crying for god knows how long. Chan however, did not seem to be going away, in fact he seemed to do anything but go away. Instead he leaned forward and gently peeled back the covers to reveal a rather panic stricken Felix. 

The scene hurt Chan's heart, the poor boy looked so vulnerable it broke him. The tear tracks down his face along with his puffy eyes told Chan this wasn’t some 5 minute wobble, this was something more, something important. He wanted nothing more than to take it all away, to scoop the boy into his arms and calm all his anxieties and woes. It hurt to see Felix like this.

and so that’s exactly what he did, he tried to move the bear so he could lay down, but Felix’s vice grip told him maybe the bear should be included in this too. So he just lifted felix up and slipped onto the bed and under the covers, bringing felix close into his chest, bear and all. “Shhhhh, my love, what’s going on?” the sobs only increased, so Chan took to rubbing circles into Felix’s back and making soothing sounds instead. “Just focus on my heartbeat baby, you need to calm down. It’s just me and you, yeah?” this seemed to have a better effect on said boy, and his breathing slowly decreased, his sobs getting quieter eventually. 

Felix on the other hand was mortified, Chan of all people was seeing him as a sobbing mess. He felt truly pathetic, he was now an adult after all, adults are supposed to be able to deal with this stuff right? he sure didn’t feel like he could. Being in Chan's arms however, was doing a lot better of a job at providing the comfort and warmth he needed to calm down, his heartbeat being an added bonus.

Eventually Felix calmed down enough to speak, a small and broken “I’m sorry” being muttered out. Chan quickly shushed the boy, speaking about how he had no reason to be sorry, that they all had those moments. 

“Petal what’s wrong? I need you to actually talk to me”

The only words Felix could gather up the strength to say sounded something like grandad and anniversary and that was all Chan needed to instantly understand. It was the anniversary of his grandads death, how could he forget? his grandad had been the person he was closest to in his life, he was the one who encouraged him to pursue dance and later on, singing. He took Felix to his dance practices and was always in the audience at his showcases. Then one day he got sick, went into the hospital, and well, never came out again. It was the shock that had gotten Felix really, there one minute then gone the next. His little brain couldn’t comprehend it.

Chan really did feel awful for forgetting, but with all the pressure of their comeback lately it seemed a lot of things were slipping his mind. He didn’t have much time to dwell on it however as he was snapped back to reality by Felix trying to get up and apologising profusely. “I’m sorry hyung, you don’t need this right now. You don’t have to comfort me honestly, I don’t want to be a nuisance” the words brought distaste to chans brain, how could he think he was a nuisance for having feelings? 

“Sweetie no, please, just come here” he pulled Felix (and bear) back into his arms, holding him tightly.  
“Don’t say those things about yourself, you’re not a nuisance at all. I wan’t to help, I’m really sorry I didn’t realise sooner. But it’s okay, hyungs here now and he’s never letting you be alone again” The words seem to help as he saw Felix visibly relax back into his chest, hugging his bear tighter than ever.  
“I miss him” it was muffled, and full of pain, but Chan didn’t miss it.  
“i know baby, i know you do. but I know he’d be so proud of you and how much you’ve achieved. It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay, look back on the happy memories you shared and just smile, because at least you got those times right? He was there, and he still is here, just in here instead” Chan continued, putting his hand over Felix's heart.  
“He will always be there, and i’ll always be here, okay? always find me, yeah?” Felix looked up, eyes wide. He didn’t say anything however, just reached up to plant a small, soft kiss on Chan's lips.  
“Thank you, Channie hyung”. If it wasn’t so dark, Felix probably would’ve been able to see how bright red Chan's cheeks were, and Chan was thanking his lucky stars it was. 

“This is Pickle by the way” Felix spoke up, motioning to the bear. They both chuckled, small smiles adorning their faces. Maybe it would be okay, Felix thought to himself, because he always had Chan.


End file.
